oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
