I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
