She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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