All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
