if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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