this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
