and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
