Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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