So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
