i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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