i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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