Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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