I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
