Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
