I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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