Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I should be sponsored by Trojan
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
