toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
