yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
