ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
