so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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