Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
