Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
