I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
