I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
