Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
