it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
