Ambien. No doubt about it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
