Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
