About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
