u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
