I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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