What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
