She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The power of my boobs compel you
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
