I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
