Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
