When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
