No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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