I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
