FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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