dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
