i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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