i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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