Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
