Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
