I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
