Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
