Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
