Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so let's talk penis.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
