Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
