I accidentally burped into my bong.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
