omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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