all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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