Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
