I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
